2nd day of February rant.

About a week ago, one of my closest friends broke a news of him landing a new job - one of which he had been waiting for for ages. It was one of the greatest news apart of him going for umrah in a few days time. A week ago, I was feeling very happy for him, thrilled that he is finally stepping out of his comfort zone after more than 3 years of being in the same area.

But that was a week ago.

Yesterday, as I was meeting him, I immediately understood how much I would be missing his presence. Even I had trouble understanding what I wanted and how I anticipated things to turn out. He is my cari makan mate, my riding partner, my jalan jalan pusing kl pusing everywhere friend, the one whom I called when Hana first announced about her getting married, and the list goes on. And the thought of him living and working in a different state, makes me feel nauseous - despite the fact that we're just one call away.

I had the thought yesterday while going for my morning walk that I should make the most of the time I have left before he leaves. We didn't actually communicate that much either; sometimes it may be months between meetings; but we did talk on the phone at least once a week (to keep us both updated about one another's lives). But him like Hana and Nazirah, and Iman as well, had always been there for me, through my highs and lows, my thick and thin and my many times of heartbreak and breakdown moment.

A friend is a blessing, but a friend who genuinely cares about you and is understanding is much better.

And this friend, is one of the many blessings that I am grateful for for have been existing in my life.

Who, despite our differing political views, would have had a healthy discussion about politics with me.

Who would have talked to me about jet planes since we both enjoy war movies?

Who would have disclosed to me how much he had spent on his fishing gear and bike so that he might be a bit less self-conscious about his financial indulgences when, at the end of the day, it was all about satisfaction.

Who would have told me "Do it, Nina! You'll do well in your exam and achieve your goals." or "Haritu pun kau study last minute, kau score. So kau boleh la for the upcoming ones." Despite of me being playful or sometimes, in my lazy mode - One of my primary sources of support, in addition to my family and close female friends.

I once disputed hearing that the Master's programme is a particularly isolating experience. But to be honest, it seemed incredibly lonely and depressing to me. But because i have my friends who are always there to check up on me, the journey become less lonely and much more bearable compared to how it used to be like.

And if one of my main support systems is missing, how would i be able to go through this? This whole growing up thingy. My highs and lows, thick and thin and many many times of heartbreak and breakdown moment. How am I supposed to be able to deal with this?