Of the gramps.

I like to watch Abahwan when he's eating. He eats slowly like a real lady. He will be chewing the foods until they reach their fine sizes and then only will he swallow them up. He reminded me of how prim and proper he is when he does anything. For example like when he is sitting on the chair, he will either sit cross legs like a lady or just sit comfortably but his legs will still be arranged neatly. Reminding me of how improper i was sometimes when i sat on a chair.

I used to get scolded by Mak tok of the way i used to sit. I would be spreading my legs and lay my upper body comfortably on the chair back and every time she saw me doing that, she would be patting my lap and say, "Anak dara apa duduk lagu ni." Please read this Kedah's dialect. Then, i would immediately change my way of sitting. There were times when my sisters were caught taking shower too soon after coming back from anywhere, she would say, "Awat la mandi awai sangat. Tau dak bahaya untuk badan tu". Maktok is strict when it comes to how a lady should act and all the pantang larangs.

When Abahwan was still in the pink of health, he used to love to sit in the kitchen while waiting for Maktok to get her cookings done. He would be reading a newspaper and do the crossword puzzle on it. Sometimes, he would be buying various types of newspapers so that we can read them too and swap them up. Other days when they used to have pet cats, he would be feeding them outside of the house or clean up their poos.

Abahwan used to have the energy to do all sorts of things. From sweeping the living room's floor up to the heavy tasks in the house like fixing the cupboard. Sometimes, Maktok would be helping. These days, he is no longer able to do those things. Even to lift his body on his own takes a lot of hard work. These days, he needs someone to help him to wake up from the bed, wear him clothes and even to put deodorant on his armpits.

He sometimes forgets who we are. Other times when he was sitting with us in the kitchen or living room, he would be asking, "Ni rumah siapa ni?". It's heartbreaking to know that my Abahwan is not as strong whether it is physically nor mentally wise as he used to be. I was used to listening to stories about how other grandparents had their dementia when they reached certain ages but it had never crossed my mind that Abahwan will be facing the same thing too. And when we are the ones to face it, it is harder to be in one's shoes.

These days, when life gets tough, i like to be reminded of how good it used to be. Because that's the only way i could survive.